Asking the Right Question (2)

Last week, I spent 2 days at a diocesan training event on 'coaching'. It was extremely helpful and enjoyable. As always with these occasions, it is the company as well as the input that one appreciates. I met up with some old friends, and got acquainted with new ones. Since coaching/mentoring (all depends on your definition) is something I hope to offer in retirement, this was of special interest to me.

If you're interested, the difference between coaching and mentoring is that the former is a skill requiring no necessary knowledge of the business of the person you are assisting. There is a great story of some Swiss skiing coaches who, during the summer months, found themselves coaching tennis players. Their 'coachees' progressed better and faster than those being coached by tennis players! The reason was that, starting from a position of relative ignorance about tennis, they got inside the mind and game of the person they were assisting with no presuppositions of how it was supposed to be done, based on their own game.

A mentor, on the other hand, is a seasoned 'expert' on the subject in hand, and is basically passing on his or her own knowledge and experience. Did you know (I didn't) that Mentor was actually a character in classical literature? In The Odyssey, Odysseus entrusts his son Telemachus to the elderly Mentor to tutor him while he goes away to war. This is a different skill, requiring the imparting of knowledge,whereas coaching is more about asking the right questions. Though, of course, the good mentor will also apply coaching skills - not seeing their mentee as merely an empty vessel to fill.

Incidentally, I noticed during Wimbledon that some top players are now 'coached' by successful retired players. Surely that should be 'mentored'?

So we are back to asking the right questions! - this time, for the assistance of another person. On the course, we practised this and it really is a skill to be learned. Like most clergy, I guess, I am more likely to try and give someone the 'answer' rather than help them work it out for themself. For example, a friend of mine was telling me recently that he had been assisting a church member who struggled with low self-esteem. She was afraid to attempt anything new, for fear of messing it up. He asked her, 'What would you do if you were guaranteed not to fail?' What a great question for helping someone discover their giftedness! It was a transforming moment in the life of that person, and a whole new work began in that church.

The day after the course, Les and I were talking over breakfast. She was trying to resolve a particular difficulty. Having reached a decision, she suddenly turned to me and said 'Were you coaching me just then?!' Well, it was good practice!!