The 'S' Word

Zayn Malik, from boy-band One Direction, has flown home from their latest tour because of 'stress'. Being far from home in south-east Asia, the object of adulation by thousands of female fans, having to fulfil constant demands from managers and the media - no doubt all these factors have contributed to the breakdown of his mental health. Then there were the photos of him hand in hand with an unknown woman, while still in a three-year relationship with his girlfriend at home.

The number of people succumbing to stress has reached alarming proportions. According to the Mental Health Foundation website (www.mentalhealth.org.uk/help-information/mental-health-a-z/S/stress/), 13.3 million working days per year are lost to stress, anxiety and depression. Mental health generally seems to be a matter of increasing concern, particularly as there seems to be insufficient funding for its treatment. When there is a high-profile casualty, such as Zayn Malik, one becomes more aware of its prevalence.

Stress seems to be closely connected to 21st century lifestyles and life choices. There is a world of possibilities all around us, and the pressure seems to be that 'because we can, we should' - and if we don't, we are either boring, unadventurous or weak. Much of this has to do with the massive increase in computer technology which opens up an infinite variety of possibilities and makes the workplace a much more challenging place to be. Because things are possible they become essential. We are losing the ability to make wise, sensible choices based not on what's possible but on what's right and necessary for human wellbeing.

Two words or phrases have struck me of late in this connection. First, there was Jean Vanier (Founder of the L'Arche communities, and just this week awarded the Templeton Prize) who gave a lecture in London entitled 'Why the strong need the weak.' This was an address about 'the common good', and Vanier's starting point was the question 'what makes us human?' He pointed out that among the fruits of the Spirit is 'patience' - a quality rather lacking in today's world but which is essential for our common humanity, especially in relation to those who are physically or mentally weaker than ourselves. The 'strong' benefit when they are required to slow down, to notice those around them, to be less driven, to be in community.

Which leads me to a term I heard only recently, but apparently has a growing currency: 'self-compassion'. According to Dr Kristin Neff, this has three elements:

1. self-kindness - the ability to take care of oneself, not to judge oneself too harshly, nor to dwell on one's failures or short-comings
2. common humanity - to recognise that failure, pain, weakness are common to all people so we not only need not to feel inadequate but, still more, to see it as our responsibility to care for others who are struggling.
3. mindfulness - a fast-growing movement, particularly in highly stressful situations, which uses Buddhist meditation techniques to centre on the present moment: neither regretting the past nor fearing the future. There are both Christian and non-religious versions of this.

During Lent, we have been thinking about the mercy of God and we have shared lots of stories about times in our lives when we have been rescued from situations beyond our control, or restored to life and health out of a time of desolation. More often than not, 'mercy' is a divine quality mediated to us through other human beings. But there is also an element of personal responsibility here, and the choices we make. Because we can, does not mean we must. 'Hardening of the oughteries' is definitely a common dis-ease!

In the autumn of 2007, I was myself signed off work for 3 months with 'stress'. This was put down at the time to bereavement, following my father's death and a 72-hour vigil at his bedside, with hardly any sleep. Our much-needed summer holiday had been lost, following several months of ridiculously long hours at work. Essentially, I was exhausted - physically, mentally and spiritually. Of my many recollections from that period, I remember one recurring mental picture. It was of a devastated landscape, ravaged by some kind of natural disaster, where everything had been flattened: buildings, crops, walls and fences. I remember thinking clearly that what was needed was to rebuild the boundaries, to put up fences (not walls, which are immovable), in order to demarcate the areas which needed attention. So began a long journey towards creating a kind of mind-map, and some new disciplines which enabled me to foster a healthier, less stressful lifestyle. Giving myself permission not to work so hard - exercising self-compassion! - was key to this.

By God's grace and mercy, and the kindness of my doctor and those closest to me, I got back on the road. I hope Zayn does too - but he will have some hard choices to make.

End of Sabbatical

Well, that's it then. End of sabbatical. Back to work tomorrow for 3 months, and then off to Cumbria. Still can't quite get used to it: certainly not what I intended at the beginning of November. I've managed to catch up with a bit of study over the past few days, but there's also been some stuff to do with the move e.g. setting up the licensing service. (5pm, Sunday 17 May if you want to come. Tea from 3.30pm, so those travelling can be refreshed on arrival and get away fairly handy afterwards.) Today, after church with Chris & Debbie (rocking baby Chloe to sleep during the sermon!) I've been tidying the study in readiness and begun the task of emptying my shelves of books. I'm aiming to reduce by 50% by the time we move!

I've particularly enjoyed reading a new document published for General Synod next month, called 'Growing the Rural Church.'  Where I'm going is not entirely rural - Cockermouth is a small town - but the difference in scale between here and there is pretty enormous. This parish has a population of 23,000 whereas the entire population of Cockermouth is only 8,000! And the population of the villages which also form part of the Team is only about 1000 each. One of the things I think I will have to get used to -as the document makes clear - is that the church is often more 'enculturated' (sorry about the jargon!) within the life of the local community than it is in the suburbs. So you tend to find the same people active in both church and community, and the major festivals of the year have a greater significance. In other ways, as the report suggests, the challenges are the same: helping people to be the church, rather than go to church, being much more collaborative both within churches and across denominational lines, and - for clergy - learning to be 'episcopal', encouraging and promoting the ministries of lay people rather than being the minister.

At my interview, I was asked if I was good at delegating. I said I think I am, in the sense that there are certain things I am not good at and others do better. But I went on to say that maybe the question implied that ministry belongs to the ordained person who shares his or her ministry with others. Not so: ministry belongs to the church (well, actually to Jesus!) not the vicar. As I sometimes say, 'it's not the job of lay people to help the vicar run the church; it's the task of the vicar to help lay people change the world!'

It's not all been serious stuff while I've been off duty. There was the holiday in Antigua, Jude's building project, and several family events, including a triple birthday party yesterday. I've enjoyed finishing work earlier in the evening than usual and watching more TV. Silent Witness is a favourite of mine, and I'm specially enjoying Wolf Hall on a Wednesday night. The lighting is so good that it not only makes the production seem more authentic but it also helps to give that sense of foreboding around the court of Henry VIII.

I've also read a fair bit of fiction. I enjoy a good crime thriller, and have been working my way through the Swedish Millennium trilogy (not in Swedish, I hasten to add!): The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo/Who Played with Fire/Who Kicked the Hornets' Nest. The author, Stieg Larsson died sadly at the age of only 50, by which time the 3 manuscripts were with his publisher. Lisbeth Salander is a kind of anti-hero, subjected to terrible abuse as a child, a damaged person as a result, but with phenomenal intelligence, great physical strength, a strong moral compass and immense courage. It's one of those stories - of intrigue, corruption, crime, political cover-up - which makes a great story but you can't help wondering whether it's rather too close to reality. Larsson has a particular concern for the abuse of women and the power of good journalism. It's well written, and the violent and sexual narratives are neither gratuitous nor indulgent. Not sure I'd want to see the films though!

Sabbatical 10 (The Leaving of Liverpool)

We've been away this past weekend: my brother-in-law's 60th birthday, down in Rugby. A good time to meet up with my family, and meet some of his friends too.

While we were away, 'the announcement' was made: we will be leaving Liverpool at the beginning of May for a new post in Cockermouth. I will be Team Rector of the Cockermouth Area Team, consisting of 4 churches: 2 in the town, and 2 in outlying villages. (You can check it out at www.cockermouthareachurches.org.uk.) This has come completely out of the blue, and yet seems to connect in many ways with what has gone before. For one thing (and not a lot of people know this!), I think I am a country boy at heart. I was brought up the son of a vicar in rural Hertfordshire, where I lived for most of my childhood. When we first came to Liverpool in 1975, neither Les nor I thought it would be for more than the 3 years of a first curacy! I have often thought I might serve in a rural parish, but it has just never happened - even though I have applied. It seems that every time we thought of moving, God said 'Stay in the city'. So we have.

But I love to be in the country, especially the hills and lakes of Cumbria. Seven years ago, we bought a small apartment in the less touristy area of Dalton, not far from Barrow, south of the Lakes. We have loved to go there for occasional breaks, and enjoyed exploring the whole area around the Furness peninsula. We had wondered about the possibility of eventually retiring to Cumbria (diocese of Carlisle) but more recently we had been thinking it would be Liverpool, mainly because all our family are here now. My sabbatical leave had a two-fold purpose:

• to draw breath, listen to God, and consider what my priorities should be here in my remaining years before retirement
• to begin to prepare for retirement (when & where?), and do some more work on coaching and mentoring, as a ministry I might offer when the time comes.

We had been back from Antigua less than a week when I was texted a message: would I like to consider this post in Cockermouth? The person spec seemed to fit me. I laughed! Moving now was not remotely in my thoughts, but it seemed as if God might have other ideas. So, early in December, Les and I travelled to our flat, and from there spent a full 12-hour day in Cockermouth. We visited all 4 churches, talked with countless people (including an extremely helpful and supportive Archdeacon and Team Vicar), and arrived back in Dalton buzzing. Would I apply? Yes I would - so I filled in the requisite form, nominated 3 referees (thank you - you know who you are!) and waited. Just over 2 weeks ago,we were back in Cumbria, this time for interview. First, there was a presentation to an invited audience of 70 people, representing the 4 churches in the Team, other denominations and the local communities. This was followed by a Q&A and social time. The following morning, there was an interview by a panel of 12 and subsequently I was offered the post.

It was a very good process of discernment, I thought. I'm not just saying that because I got the job! It enabled a large number of people to be part of it, so I can go not only sensing that I am called, but knowing that others think so too. The amazing thing is that, as far as I know, though a large number of people met me, knew my name etc, there doesn't seem to have been any breach of confidentiality. So huge thanks to all concerned. And thanks especially from both Les and me to all those we've met so far who gave us such a warm welcome and seemed so eager to support us on this journey.

Now the news is out, the reality is setting in. Packing up after 20 years, down-sizing in the process! It will be such a wrench leaving behind family, friends, and a city we love. There have been many warm messages of support, encouragement, and appreciation of our time here. So thank you if you are one of those. We won't be that far away of course, and I'm sure we will return often. And - who knows? - maybe we will retire here after all. But it looks as if that could be 5 years away now - if all goes well! Meanwhile, I might keep chickens, if I can first persuade Les!

Sabbatical 9 (Two Popes)

Lesley and I spent last week at our apartment in Cumbria - more of that next time. We arrived back last Saturday, in time to go to Wigan on Sunday morning for the licensing of a good friend to her new post as an associate priest in a parish there. A new initiative is under way for the mission of the Church (of England) in Wigan, and I can see her having a significant role within that.

I  have been reading recently the work of two Popes, 1500 years apart! I have always wanted to read the epistles of Pope Gregory the Great (c.540-604, and Pope from 590). He it was who sent Augustine, later of Canterbury, to England at almost precisely the same time that Columba arrived on Iona (c.597). Thus the British Isles were evangelised in a kind of pincer movement, of  Romans from the south-east and Celts from the north-west. Gregory was Pope at a very turbulent time politically, following the break-up of the Roman Empire. There were violent incursions from the Lombards, who threatened the very gates of Rome, and Gregory struggled to gain authority in both secular and spiritual realms. Yet he had a pastoral heart, which is why he sent missionaries to England, hearing about her lapse into paganism. Once he had arrived, and people were becoming Christians, Augustine had a number of pastoral issues for which he sought the advice of the Pope. Several of these related to marriage: should clergy marry? can certain degrees of blood-relations marry each other? for example. Another related to how soon after child-birth a woman may enter church!...

The one that interested me most, however, concerned the temples of idol worship. Gregory's advice was that they should not be destroyed, but the idols within them should be. ...If these same temples are well built, it is needful that they should be transferred from the worship of idols to the service of the true God; that, when the people themselves see that these temples are not destroyed, they may put away error from their heart, and, knowing and adoring the true God, may have recourse with the more familiarity to the places they have been accustomed to. (Epistle LXXVI)

There is something humble and incarnational about this approach to mission. In a different tone and a very different era, Pope Francis writes with a similar outlook today. I just love his Evangelii Gaudium (The Joy of the Gospel)! He writes from the heart with a profound understanding of today's world and the human heart. For example, writing of city-life, he writes New cultures are constantly being born in these vast new expanses where Christians are no longer the customary interpreters or generators of meaning...This challenges us to imagine innovative spaces and possibilities for prayer and communion which are more attractive and meaningful for city dwellers.

Today, we may not have any obvious physical temples of idol worship (although maybe we could name a few?!), but that sense of the Christian faith inhabiting and purifying existing cultures provides an interesting comparison. Both popes challenge their readers to be bold and creative. Be prepared for more quotations from Evangelii Gaudium!

Sabbatical 8

There's been a bit of a gap between blogposts, as last week I was away on retreat. This was with the Community of Aidan & Hilda, of which I am a member. Every January the 'Voyagers' (i.e. committed members, as distinct from 'Explorers' and 'Friends') spend the inside of a week together. We hold our Annual Meeting, with the usual reports, but mainly spend time in learning, prayer and fellowship together. This year's theme was 'Celtic Spirituality and Mission': we were reminded particularly of the communal life and prayer of our Celtic Christian ancestors, and how for them 'mission' was a natural outworking of their lives, not an add-on. Somehow, today, mission so often feels like something you have to do in addition to all the other things associated with being church. In fact, in those days, mission was the very essence and had as much to do with being Christ's presence in the world as with any particular activity. It flowed from their inner life, as persons and as community.

The phrase I came away with was 'in the Name of Jesus'. Not because anyone was speaking about this in particular but because for me it summed everything up. The Name of Jesus provides the incentive for all we do, giving us confidence; it calls us to account for all our words and actions; it is also the assurance that nothing we do for his sake is ever wasted, even if we don't ourselves see any result.

Among the news items last week were the shootings in Paris, with its aftermath of the street Je suis Charlie demonstrations, and the Archbishops' warnings against social inequality. International terrorism (the clash of ideologies), the gap between the very rich and poor people, together with climate change, seem to me the three greatest challenges of our day. They are all connected, of course. The recent TV programmes by Jacques Peretti, The Super Rich and Us, have shown how great the gap is, with (apparently) 85 people owning 50% of the world's wealth. The worrying thing, though, is how most billionaires just don't get it: Countess Bathurst, who appeared in one of his programmes and who organises polo matches on her country estate, said the problem belongs to the poor, who are envious, don't appreciate how hard wealthy people work, and the worries they have! The programmes showed how the super-rich live in a kind of bubble. The worst thing for me, though, was that social inequality has come about, in this country, by the deliberate policy of successive governments since the 1980s. It has suited them to make London the financial capital of the world, because the wealth of the few gives the appearance of a flourishing economy when in fact the opposite is true.

Yasmin Alibhai-Brown, writing in Sunday's Independent, says 'Democracy will collapse and aspiration will die unless we turn back from this disastrous ideology (of 'trickle-down' economics). ...When the masses have nothing left to lose, they may rise and light a bonfire of vanities.'

The Community of Aidan & Hilda has its own version of traditional monastic vows: simplicity, obedience and purity. These qualities, lived out in today's world, stand in real contrast to some prevailing attitudes and may just save the world, as Christian mission centuries ago helped to rescue Britain from its Dark Ages.

Sabbatical 7

This past week, I have been almost completely preoccupied with two things: completing Jude's house refurbishment and organising Bob's funeral. There has been no time at all for study, but I don't regret a moment.

The pressure was really on this week for Jude. She had set yesterday (Saturday) as removal day, and the carpet-fitters were coming on Thursday. I admit I had my doubts that we would make it in time, and for the past week we have really put the hours in. Three times, there were 12-hour days decorating etc! But all well worthwhile. The transformation is almost complete, apart from a couple of bare walls where the plaster is not quite dry enough to paint. If you follow Jude on Facebook you can see the photos! It's impressive.

So yesterday, I hired a large Transit van and we took 3 loads of furniture and personal possessions over to the house. That was not quite the end though. She decided to spend one more night with us, rather than try and sort everything out yesterday. Today we loaded up the car with yet more stuff (mainly clothes this time) and I took her over to spend her first night in her new home. It was quite emotional. Jude is the only one not to have gone away to uni, so it was the first time she has left the nest. And for me and Les: our 'baby' has gone, and we are empty-nesters after nearly 39 years. It will feel very strange, but we are so proud of our 4 offspring who all now live independent lives. Jude's attitude and accomplishments over the past few months have been amazing. I've told her she could well go into property development as an occupation!

Bob's funeral (actually, a celebration of his life, following private cremation) was one of the most remarkable services I have ever attended. Over 850 came to our parish church, which can only really seat 350 comfortably. But with extra seats, and standing room only - some outside, with extra sound relay - we managed. It was a long service, but so full of thankfulness for many aspects of Bob's character and ministry. People from many walks of life were there: his large family, many friends, former colleagues, and some who have simply received his ministry and just wanted to say 'thank you'. His family said he would have loved it, which I always think is the highest praise of a funeral service. For myself, I reflected that Bob had been a constant in my life almost since I was ordained. Like many, I had often valued his wisdom, his solidity, his love of life, his positive outlook. So important for one like me, who can sometimes be a bit of an Eeyore!

A week of beginning and ending. Strangely, in both, tears and laughter, sorrow and joy.

Happy New Year (Sabbatical 6)

First of all, a God-blessed New Year, one and all!

This morning, I was back at All Hallows, sharing once more in the sorrow of Bob's passing. With the passage of time, I realise more and more just how much he meant to so many people. Rachel has had over 300 letters and cards! It has been a real honour and privilege to prepare a service to celebrate his life, together with the family.

This is the prayer I wrote for this morning:

Jesus, Lord, our resurrection and our life, we begin this New Year with you, but with sorrow in our hearts. We bring to you our memories of Bob.

Our lives are poorer for having lost him, but richer for having known him.

We are sorrowful that he is no longer with us, but rejoice that he is with you.

We are thankful for all that has been, and we are hopeful for all that shall be.

Be with us, Immanuel, in our journey from sorrow to joy, from darkness to light, from death to life.

Be with all the family in their journey of grief. Remind them moment by moment that neither Bob nor they are lost to you.

And lead us all, with your servant Bob, to our heavenly home and our eternal resting place where you reign, his Lord and ours for ever and ever. Amen.

The past few days have contained a mixture of funeral-related matters, and hours of decorating at Jude's house. We're really seeing the results now, and slowly it is becoming a home, with the arrival of domestic appliances etc. However, we have to accept that the job will not be complete by the time she moves in. Very exciting, all the same. Les and I haven't really adjusted to the fact that after 38 years of parenting we will finally be 'empty-nesters'! Maybe we'll take a lodger!

I'd like to introduce you to Derek & Jane Waller. I hadn't heard of them either till New Year's Eve. By the look of their photo, I guess they're late 50s/early 60s but about to head off to South Sudan: Derek to train church leaders and Jane to contribute her ICT skills. I learned about them through the Church Mission Society Prayer Diary which I habitually use. I am often challenged and inspired by news of people who, for love of God and his world, travel 1000s of miles from home to serve some of the poorest people in the world. I am even more humbled when I read in the same publication of people 'who cannot be named' in countries 'which cannot be identified', sharing their Christian faith through practical action in hostile environments where they have not only given up their home comforts but risk their very lives for the sake of Christ. It is of the very essence of Christianity that, counter-culturally, men and women are prepared anonymously to follow their Lord, as the famous prayer says, 'labouring for no reward, save that of knowing that they do his will.'

Equally inspiring are the stories of medical staff (Christians or not) who go to serve in ebola-stricken countries: people like Pauline Cafferkey, now seriously ill, and William Pooley, who recovered and returned to Africa. Puts our struggles here in some kind of perspective.