Cumbrian Migrant

Amazingly, it's nearly 6 weeks since we moved in and coming up to a month since I was licensed. Here's something else I've noticed: long evenings. I'm sure it gets darker later here, presumably because we're further north. 10.30 at night and it's still only twilight: we're seeing some wonderful night skies.

Since last blog, a large number of encounters worth writing about:

• I've visited one of our church primary schools: there are two, plus another state school which has good church connections. I was so impressed with the quality of the place, in particular that they offer the children many opportunities of residential experience for learning history or geography, or glimpsing the life of a university student. It's all about aspiration. They also have a Christian value for each half of term, currently 'perseverance'. I have to decide how much to get involved, e.g. taking assemblies or even just story-telling.
• I had a session with the Town Clerk, who gave me the benefit of her knowledge and experience. She had only been in post for less than a year when the flood hit. She explained to me the challenges of having a town so popular with retirees, which both makes for an older population and can exclude younger people from the housing market. (Another problem of migration!) Currently, the Council has a policy that 40% of new housing must be 'affordable' for first-time buyers.
• I have done my first wedding (happy!) and another 2 funerals.
• There has been a church meeting for one of our churches, which has had a hard time in recent years. There is a feeling of a page having been turned, and of a renewal of hope. They may not be huge in number, but there is an unmistakable devotion to the Lord Jesus and his church, which I find quite moving. We just need to think more in terms of blessing the town than 'keeping the church going'. Nothing new there then!
• Last Sunday, there was a more 'normal' service in the morning, this time in Broughton itself, where I live. Unusually, I was present for a non-eucharistic service which enabled a more informal style, led so well by an experienced lay member of the congregation. She has clearly been helping to hold the church together for many years, as vicars have come and gone. That happens a lot round here!
• In the afternoon, I visited two families who have applied for their baby's baptism. A long time since I've done this, but what a joy it was! The thing is, here, everything is much smaller scale from what I have been used to. Smaller communities, smaller churches, therefore fewer people to exercise their ministry, so more for clergy to do. So it's back to the basics of parish ministry as far as I'm concerned BUT, part of my task here is to enable more people to take on pastoral and liturgical roles for the days ahead when there will be even fewer clergy to go round.
• On Sunday evening, I was grilled by a young people's group - 12 in number with 4 adult leaders. So enjoyable, with a tangible sense of joy in the things they share together. I hope we shall get to know each other well, and see young faith grow and mature into adult discipleship.

This Sunday: one of our churches celebrates its 150th anniversary. So, a special service has to be written and we will have two mayors and our MP present! When it was founded, it was intentionally for 'the poor of the parish' and this church has always been known for its care and compassion. This was demonstrated most recently in the flood. But now? Where are we going? What new calling is God placing on our life? Maybe we can use the anniversary as a time of reflection.

So back to the migration issue. I've been doing some more reading around this. Leaving aside migrants who leave their country for another (100,000 already this year in the Mediterranean alone!), there are millions of Internally Displaced People (IDPs): 6m in Syria, 3.3m in Nigeria, 3m in DR Congo, 2m in Iraq and 2.5m in Sudan. All these figures are approximate, of course, but it gives a sense of the scale of the problem. It is hard for us to imagine what this must be like, living in more settled communities. But we do need surely to think 'hospitality'. The former Chief Rabbi, Lord Sacks, has pointed out that in the Hebrew scriptures we are only once commanded to 'love our neighbour' but 37 times to 'love the stranger'. And when you think about it, the story of the People of God in both Testaments is of refugees, asylum seekers and travellers: from Adam and Eve, sent out of the Garden to Abraham who was commanded to leave his own country, to the Exodus and the Exile, to Jesus' own flight into Egypt and Paul's travels. 

You could also say that Jesus sought asylum on earth from heaven. Which leads one to the First Letter of Peter, where God's people are described as 'sojourners and exiles' (1 Peter 2.11): earth being our temporary home while our true home is in heaven. Today we remember St Columba, who 'migrated' (as many Celtic Christians did) from Ireland to Scotland and the north-west of England.

None of this, I'm afraid, really addresses the massive problem of migration and human trafficking, but at least if we can get our attitude right it might lead to appropriate actions.

Things I Have Noticed

There's been a bit of a gap since last blog, as Les and I have tried to complete the settling in process. I think we're pretty much 'there', with all the packing cases finally empty, most things put away, pictures on the walls etc. However, there is a garage full of stuff we have not been able to find room for and we have to dispose of that over the next week or two. It already feels pretty much like home, and it's hard to believe we have only been here just over 3 weeks.

There has also been a settling in process at work, in the churches. The two Sundays since licensing have not been typical. Last Sunday, Les and I (with Adrian, my colleague) worshipped at 3 of our churches, having been licensed at the 4th the previous week. It was Pentecost, so we had a special Eucharist at each one. Poor Les and Adrian had to hear the same sermon 3 times! It was good to meet so many new friends, though quite a few were away, being a Bank Holiday weekend. I was told afterwards I could stay!

Today, being a 5th Sunday in the month, it was a 'Parish' service i.e. all 4 churches coming together in one place. Today it was the turn of Christ Church, in Cockermouth, so basically back where we started. Adrian has been away this week, so I co-led with one of our lay worship leaders, and this seemed to go very well. (You will be able to hear the sermon on the Team website later - www.cockermouthareachurches.org.uk/) Once again, we were warmly welcomed.

Living in Little Broughton, I have committed myself to taking their midweek communion every Thursday. Coincidentally, this happens at the same time as St Barnabas, Penny Lane so it's good to have that connection. I have also taken a funeral there and in July will take the wedding of the grand-daughter of the man who had died. My first wedding, however, will be at All Saints next Saturday. I am looking forward to that.

There are a number of things I have noticed here:

• Birdsong. It is loud and tuneful, especially early in the morning. On our first morning here, I was wakened before 5am. I wish I could recognise all the different tunes. That is something to work on: I like to think they are all joining in creation's chorus of praise.
• Hills. Stating the obvious, I know, but it's not just the landscape. It is the way it is constantly changing according to the time of day, weather features etc: sometimes dappled in sunlight, sometimes dark and brooding behind the clouds.
• Accent. The Cumbrian accent is taking some getting used to after 40 years of Scouse! At the funeral reception, one elderly man spoke to me in an accent so thick I couldn't make out a word he was saying. I think that he was being mischievous, on hearing where I was from! There are some new words to learn and I'm interested by the way 'eh' comes into speech, and a soft 'r'.
• People. Without exception, people are amazingly friendly. But a local told me I would need to make an effort to smile and speak to everyone, otherwise they might think I was stand-offish. Consequently, Les and I greet everyone, whether we know them or not. Trouble is, most people seem to know us even if we don't know them.
• Village life. We have been warned that everyone will know our business! When we go out, when we get home, when we do our washing, who we have spoken to etc. And 'be careful what you say - everyone is related, or was at school with so-and-so, so word will get back!' This was illustrated last week: I was in the local bookshop. One of the staff introduced herself to me as a neighbour up the road, whom I had greeted in her garden a few days previously. I couldn't remember, I must admit. She gave me her name; I said, 'I'm Godfrey'. 'I know,' she said.
• Singing. The singing at worship is excellent. None of the churches has a choir, but the congregations more than make up for this. One church doesn't even have an organist, but manages with CDs - a mixed blessing! Last week, I asked Les to come out of retirement and play her guitar for one song. That was appreciated.
• Mobility between churches. There are quite a number of different churches in a relatively small area. It is noticeable how people migrate from one church to another, for a variety of different reasons, and they bring with them something of the style and culture of their previous church. Christ Church, where we were this morning, has a particularly mixed membership.

It's all very different. Smaller scale, slower pace, more travelling - the funeral last week involved a trip to Carlisle Crematorium, 40 minutes away. And several of our church members live some way away, though not in our village where many are lifelong residents.

And speaking of migration, it is desperate to see and hear of the plight of those fleeing from war-torn and poverty-stricken countries in North Africa and Eastern Europe. I suppose you could say I am a migrant myself (originally from the South of England!) - as many of us are, in this sense - and there is nothing new about mass migration as a result of war and poverty. What seems to be different about the current situation is the scale of it, which threatens to overwhelm countries like Italy. I guess this has something to do with global news media which makes even the poorest people aware of a possible better life elsewhere.Somehow, in our wealthier countries we surely have to change our attitude: recognise the desperate need of these fellow human beings, and unite to help them. Who can say we would behave any differently if we were in their situation? It is part of our human nature to seek a better life.

The Move

So here we are. Cockermouth. Or, to be more precise - Little Broughton. A village, next to Great Broughton, set on raised ground above the River Derwent, about 3 miles outside the town, a mile or so off the A66. We have had a marvellous welcome, and so many people seem pleased to see us. The villages have had a difficult time, without a resident vicar for about 5 years, so we can understand why we are greeted so warmly. The surrounding landscape is beautiful, best appreciated when driving away from the village, back to the main road. I'll send publish some photos when I get round to it!

The move itself went as smoothly as it possibly could, and for that too we are very thankful. There is still much to do, with several cartons to unpack, furniture to arrange and the study to organize, but we are making good progress. We are actually enjoying it! The vicarage is about 30 years old, and is best described as 'quirky'- a most unusual design with sloping roof and skylight windows in every bedroom! The landing acts as a kind of bridge across the hall, with two bedrooms at either end, one of them with a new en suite bathroom (which we'll use for guests). We are especially grateful for the way the diocese have provided for us, investing much in the vicarage to bring it up to modern standards, with a view to the longer term,beyond our stay here.

Today we are going to worship at the King's Church - part of the New Frontiers network, with whom, I gather, there are friendly relationships across the churches. Last night, we had a really lively and enjoyable evening with my new colleague, Adrian, his wife Lucy and children Eleanor and William. A very special, talented family, with whom I know we will get on well.

In other news (!) - our moving day was also Election Day. Not to boast, but I did actually share with a few people that I thought the Tories might emerge with a clear majority. So I wasn't shocked. Just a feeling I had. To quote from Bill Clinton's 1992 election campaign, 'It's the economy, stupid!' Like it or not, the Tories managed to get across a message that the economy is safer in their hands (and, to be fair, Labour's track record in this respect isn't great, even allowing for the crash of 2008), and they coupled this with a 'fear factor' of possible Labour/SNP partnership. In the end, I think a lot of people were swayed by this, and felt safer, more secure with a Tory government - overlooking, sadly, the all too obvious consequences in terms of those who would suffer most. It is, after all, human nature to look after one's own interests and the Tory propaganda really appealed to this. As I said in my previous blog, there was little to inspire us in the whole campaign with a vision of the kind of nation we could become as one that sought the 'common good', and illuminated the world as a beacon for justice, righteousness, peace; goodness, truth and beauty.

Many people are angry with the result, as is clear from social media. My immediate response is to say 'Our God reigns'. This is not pious talk: it's a reminder that any government, of any colour, has to be accountable first and foremost not to the electorate but to God, so we are not to be the judges. It's also a reminder that our task as Christians is to act with the authority of Jesus to alleviate suffering, to live compassionately, to bless our neighbours rather than expend our energies in furious political attacks. I like what Bishop Paul of Liverpool wrote before the election: '...we need people who can see that the church is part of the solution...My responsibility is not to moan, but to vote. To vote, and to work for the common good. My responsibility is to vote for, and work with, those with the moral vision and courage to work for a better society.'

One of the first things I did on May 8 was to discover who is our new MP in the Workington constituency, to write to her, congratulate her, and express the wish that we might meet up sometime. I hope we might
discern what the priorities round here might be and how we, with others (Christians or not) can work for the common good. I have also invited her to my licensing service next Sunday: please remember us all in prayer that day.

Nearly there

Another 48 hours and we will have left Liverpool. The moment I am really not looking forward to. There have been many farewell occasions in the past two or three weeks, all of them bitter-sweet. We have so much appreciated people's warmth and friendliness towards us, their well-wishing and expressions of appreciation for the last 20 (and in some cases, 40) years. It is true, you don't realise just how much impact you have had on a person's life until the time comes to leave them. I have been really humbled by things people have said, and memories recalled which I had not even noted in the first place. I guess that's one of the joys and blessings of ministry. It will be so sad to leave, but we do so believing that this is God's will for us,who has surprised us with this little adventure before I retire.

We are delighted - and amazed - at the number of people who have said they want to come to the licensing service on the 17th. It's a long way to come, and we really appreciate the support that is being shown us. Maybe others sense, like us, that it's something of an adventure?

We've had a couple of 'final' visits to the City. Last Thursday, something which we had booked months ago, before we knew we were leaving: a performance of Mahler's 2nd ('Resurrection') Symphony at the Phil. It really is the most astonishing piece of music, and something of a signature tune (if a symphony can be just a 'tune'!) for my life. Written when the composer was only in his late 20s, he had suffered several recent bereavements, which led him to reflect on his own mortality. Mahler was not a Christian himself (though he converted in order to obtain a top conducting job later in life), but he wrote a piece which defiantly proclaimed the defeat of death - perhaps more for this life than the next. As our pre-concert lecturer said, Mahler was about life after life rather than life after death. Nevertheless.allowing this marvellous music, sorrowful, lyrical, triumphant, glorious, to wash over you for 1 1/2 hours - especially as a Christian, who does believe in life after death - is to enjoy a heavenly experience. I am moved to tears every time I hear it.

The other City visit was to the Cathedral yesterday, for the morning eucharist.  It seemed appropriate somehow, as that building has had a special place in my life these 40 years. What I will miss, I reflected after both these visits, was the sheer size and scale of Liverpool's buildings. Their grandeur is so impressive and by contrast Cockermouth is miniature - but of course has many other delights to offer both resident and visitor. We look forward to more exploring.

I took a couple of days last week to have some quiet, engaging heart and mind for the new challenges. I read a lot of Cockermouth's history, which goes back possibly even further than Liverpool's. Some of it quite controversial too, especially with the historical rivalry between 'church' and 'chapel'. I wonder how much of that remains, however vestigially.

While I was away, I meet a fiery black Pentecostal. He wanted to know what I thought of gay priests. I said, 'Well, it's a fact - there are gay people and there are gay priests'. Then - as I half expected - he launched into a tirade. He seemed less interested in what I thought; more concerned to tell me what he thought. It was a bit embarrassing at the meal table, but I decided to engage in the debate. 'It's an abomination to the Lord', he said, quoting various OT scriptures. I asked him what Jesus had to say on the matter. He couldn't think of anything (that's because there isn't!), and I asked whether that was not significant given it is Jesus we follow and not OT law. Not the point, he said.  I then asked if he if knew a) any gay people and b) any gay Christians. 'No' to both. I suggested maybe it would be a good idea if he did, then he could hear their story and understand a bit better the kind of issues gay people have to face - including others' prejudice.

He then shared something of his story: a converted drugs dealer and gangster. So...if he could be 'delivered' from that kind of life, so could a gay person from theirs. I pointed out that there must have been a time when he wasn't into that lifestyle; a gay person would say that they had no choice. However, I did make clear that I believed a gay Christian must be just as chaste and faithful as a straight one, if they were to fulfil the law of Christ.

My companion then told me (us) about his training as a preacher, and how he wanted the 'pow-er' (emphasis on the first syllable), believing that God really could and did totally transform people's lives. Difficult one that: because I believe the same. But I think that has much more to do with where one's life is centred, and the fruitfulness that flows from that centre (Christ) rather than fixing on one particular aspect of a person's identity. I asked him why he felt so strongly about this one particular issue.  I might just have well said to my friend that God wanted to deliver him from his blackness.

I mention all this, because I am aware this man was expressing a view which he had learned from his own particular culture. Knowing how, historically, black people have been enslaved and abused, could this be a reason why they feel so strongly about another persecuted minority - as if, somehow, to alleviate their own sense of despair and anger. In fact, is it human nature to construct a values system around a perceived 'enemy' when one has been a victim oneself?  Might this be a factor in helping us understand Islamization?

The day is nearly over. Les and I have been so grateful for the help of family over this Bank Holiday weekend, and we have just enjoyed a final takeaway meal with them. The next two days will be long ones. Next time in Cockermouth. By the way, should I name-change from 'Harthill musings'? Any suggestions?

Neither Here nor There

Last Friday, Les and I passed another milestone on our journey to Cockermouth. The removal men came to our flat in Dalton (60 miles south of Cockermouth, in Cumbria) and we completely emptied the place of all our furniture. I must admit, tears came to my eyes as we left it for the last time - at least for the time being. Over the past 7 years, it has been a place of rest, refreshment and retreat, not just for us but for family members and friends. Somehow, just 24 hours there seemed enough to recharge my batteries. We've concluded that we are unlikely to use the place while in Cockermouth. Although not that far away in miles, it takes almost as long to get there from Cockermouth as it does from Liverpool, and since we often used to drive there late at night it's not a journey we would relish. Also, because all our family and many friends remain in Liverpool, we imagine - indeed have promised! - that short breaks will often happen back here. Jude has kindly set up her spare room with us in mind! Whether or not we retire to Dalton eventually we'll have to wait and see, but meanwhile we're renting it out so the income will come in handy.

It feels like a kind of limbo at the moment. Neither here nor there. The process towards appointing my successor is under way, and of course I have no part in that. Plans are being made for the future, which pass me by. The diary is fairly empty as I attend fewer meetings, though we have enjoyed many social engagements. And there are various 'last times': my last wedding last Saturday, and my last visits to St Barnabas and Mossley Hill churches last week and my last christening yesterday. Have I taken my last funeral? Don't know. That's not a request by the way!

Meanwhile, there are phone calls and emails to Cockermouth as plans are made there for the move, for the licensing service (17 May) and for the first weeks in post. Rota-planning for the next 3 months is well under way. It's an in-between time for many of us, at the threshold of new beginnings.

The same could be said nationally. Auspiciously or not, we move into our new home on Election Day! Currently we are in between governments, and like many others I find much of the electioneering very dispiriting. So much of it seems to be point-scoring against one another, and the appeal to the electorate often seems based upon our self-interest (who will make us wealthier?) or our baser instincts (who will deal with immigration?) There is little to inspire us with a vision of a more just, equitable, healthier society, and almost nothing to do with Britain's place in the world. A complete absence of foreign policy, it seems. Meanwhile, we hear of hundreds of desperate refugees drowning in the Mediterranean Sea met with silence from our leaders (the Archbishop of Canterbury excepted), when there must surely be a role for a compassionate Britain not only in helping with rescue but, more importantly, addressing the causes of such mass migration. Of course, one cause is our own historical foreign policy.

We have the dilemma of whether to vote tactically or for values and principles. Les and I will have a postal vote for the first time, as we shall no longer be in Liverpool on Election Day, but not quite resident in Cockermouth either. Neither here nor there.

There's a new book I must try and get hold of. It looks like someone else is picking up on our theme here of the church being for the blessing of the world. Graham Tomlin's book, 'The Widening Circle - Priesthood as God's Way of Blessing the World' has just been published, and although it's particularly about ordained ministry I hope it's also about the priesthood of all believers, called as we are to be 'communities of blessing'.

Being neither here nor there has a theological significance too. We are citizens of heaven while inhabiting the earth. Learning to live as belonging to one while living in the other is a real challenge to Christian people.  Next Sunday will be my last here, and - as it follows our Annual Meetings - the morning service will include a special prayer of dedication, as we all face our different futures. It includes the following words:

May we be at home in any place, for the whole world is yours.                                                            

May we, with our hopes set on eternal peace, live also as strangers in the land.

Perhaps because of my being 'in between', I have returned to a song which meant much to me years ago. It includes the title 'anchor of my soul', addressed to Jesus. This may not be your style of worship, but go to this video, and I hope you will be inspired. The singer is Lara Martin, and the song is entitled 'Voice of Hope'. You can find the lyrics elsewhere on YouTube, but they are clear enough in this live recording.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5n_1B4VpXhI

Enjoy!

A Passionate Woman

It's rather ironic that, having written about stress last time, we should hear of the dreadful, nightmarish aeroplane crash in France, allegedly the act of a suicidal pilot. Somehow, I think there is more to this and I am not convinced that it is quite as we have been led to believe. Normally, suicidal tendencies relate to self-harm or self-destruction not calculated homicide. If the man was depressed, and it was deliberate, this could be a most extreme example of how alienated people can become in today's world, and mental illness is misunderstood or ignored. Surely, somebody must have noticed there was something disturbing about his behaviour or his demeanour?

Last weekend, Lesley and I went up to our new parish in Cockermouth, this time just to explore. We were fascinated by the history and geography of this 'Gem Town', and are really looking forward to going to live there. It feels very strange still serving here in Liverpool while planning ahead for a new life in Cumbria. Someone we know in south Cumbria wanted to know if I'd been a 'naughty boy' - being sent up to 'Red Indian' country in the north! We're past the point of no return now, with the removal firm booked, phone and internet connections sorted, and the first service rotas planned! I've even got my first wedding with two more in the pipeline.

On Monday night, I watched the Richard Dimbleby Memorial lecture by Martha Lane-Fox. http://www.bbc.co.uk/mediacentre/speeches/2015/martha-lane-fox-dot-everyone. She is a passionate woman - passionate, that is, for the internet and its seemingly infinite benefits (at least, according to her.) Fox is a highly successful, wealthy entrepreneur who has made her fortune from the dot.com business. She is also a remarkable human being, having survived a near-fatal car accident which damaged her pelvis so badly that some 28 operations were required before she could walk again. Her mobility is still impaired. Her thesis was that we have scarcely begun to appreciate the scope and value of the internet. She described it as a new 'institution', to which everyone could belong regardless of age, education or background: Dot Everyone. She pleaded for business leaders and politicians especially to wake up to its potential. She has even started an online 'Dot Everyone' petition to influence the new Prime Minister!  The greater part of her lecture was devoted to a passionate description of the possible benefits to our society, as one might expect from one who has made her fortune from it. She believes that UK could become a world leader in its development, and prosper greatly as a result. She devoted some time also to the question of ethics and proper controls, realising the many ways in which the internet has been abused for example in pornography, fraud, and trolling in social media. However, I was left somewhat uneasy: to belong to an institution is to be part of something bigger than we are and - most importantly - with an identifiable membership and a clear constitution, instruments of government etc. The whole point about the internet is that it is so vast, so expansive and expanding that it is quite impossible to define in the way an institution normally would be. What would be its values? How could it be organised? It all began to feel a bit Orwellian. Is it not rather a tool, to be taken out and used as and when required, not used as a substitute for human contact and relationship?

That said, I have no doubt that she is right about one thing: we don't use the internet to its full potential. I have been saying that in our churches for some time, and find it frustrating that good, up to date, fully functional websites are not seen as a priority. To misquote General Booth of the Salvation Army, 'why should the Devil have all the best media?'

Back to my own 'passionate woman' (aka Lesley!) On Friday, we watched the film 'Twelve Years a Slave'. I hadn't realised this was based on an autobiography, which made it all the more compelling and shocking. I particularly noticed the use of silence in the film, allowing the pictures to speak for themselves, to capture an expression or a scene for full effect.

It took me back to our holiday last year in Antigua. You just would not think that human beings could be so unbelievably cruel to another. In the slave trade you see the roots of today's racism, as our conversation with a local man revealed to us there. What is particularly hard to grasp is that many of those concerned in those days were God-fearing men. Just a couple of days ago, I came across some material about Liverpool slave merchants, who saw no contradiction in commending to Almighty God their ships' voyages, when setting out to purchase more black people for the slave markets in the West Indies. Now if the internet could be used to help change attitudes like these for the better, that could only be good.

The 'S' Word

Zayn Malik, from boy-band One Direction, has flown home from their latest tour because of 'stress'. Being far from home in south-east Asia, the object of adulation by thousands of female fans, having to fulfil constant demands from managers and the media - no doubt all these factors have contributed to the breakdown of his mental health. Then there were the photos of him hand in hand with an unknown woman, while still in a three-year relationship with his girlfriend at home.

The number of people succumbing to stress has reached alarming proportions. According to the Mental Health Foundation website (www.mentalhealth.org.uk/help-information/mental-health-a-z/S/stress/), 13.3 million working days per year are lost to stress, anxiety and depression. Mental health generally seems to be a matter of increasing concern, particularly as there seems to be insufficient funding for its treatment. When there is a high-profile casualty, such as Zayn Malik, one becomes more aware of its prevalence.

Stress seems to be closely connected to 21st century lifestyles and life choices. There is a world of possibilities all around us, and the pressure seems to be that 'because we can, we should' - and if we don't, we are either boring, unadventurous or weak. Much of this has to do with the massive increase in computer technology which opens up an infinite variety of possibilities and makes the workplace a much more challenging place to be. Because things are possible they become essential. We are losing the ability to make wise, sensible choices based not on what's possible but on what's right and necessary for human wellbeing.

Two words or phrases have struck me of late in this connection. First, there was Jean Vanier (Founder of the L'Arche communities, and just this week awarded the Templeton Prize) who gave a lecture in London entitled 'Why the strong need the weak.' This was an address about 'the common good', and Vanier's starting point was the question 'what makes us human?' He pointed out that among the fruits of the Spirit is 'patience' - a quality rather lacking in today's world but which is essential for our common humanity, especially in relation to those who are physically or mentally weaker than ourselves. The 'strong' benefit when they are required to slow down, to notice those around them, to be less driven, to be in community.

Which leads me to a term I heard only recently, but apparently has a growing currency: 'self-compassion'. According to Dr Kristin Neff, this has three elements:

1. self-kindness - the ability to take care of oneself, not to judge oneself too harshly, nor to dwell on one's failures or short-comings
2. common humanity - to recognise that failure, pain, weakness are common to all people so we not only need not to feel inadequate but, still more, to see it as our responsibility to care for others who are struggling.
3. mindfulness - a fast-growing movement, particularly in highly stressful situations, which uses Buddhist meditation techniques to centre on the present moment: neither regretting the past nor fearing the future. There are both Christian and non-religious versions of this.

During Lent, we have been thinking about the mercy of God and we have shared lots of stories about times in our lives when we have been rescued from situations beyond our control, or restored to life and health out of a time of desolation. More often than not, 'mercy' is a divine quality mediated to us through other human beings. But there is also an element of personal responsibility here, and the choices we make. Because we can, does not mean we must. 'Hardening of the oughteries' is definitely a common dis-ease!

In the autumn of 2007, I was myself signed off work for 3 months with 'stress'. This was put down at the time to bereavement, following my father's death and a 72-hour vigil at his bedside, with hardly any sleep. Our much-needed summer holiday had been lost, following several months of ridiculously long hours at work. Essentially, I was exhausted - physically, mentally and spiritually. Of my many recollections from that period, I remember one recurring mental picture. It was of a devastated landscape, ravaged by some kind of natural disaster, where everything had been flattened: buildings, crops, walls and fences. I remember thinking clearly that what was needed was to rebuild the boundaries, to put up fences (not walls, which are immovable), in order to demarcate the areas which needed attention. So began a long journey towards creating a kind of mind-map, and some new disciplines which enabled me to foster a healthier, less stressful lifestyle. Giving myself permission not to work so hard - exercising self-compassion! - was key to this.

By God's grace and mercy, and the kindness of my doctor and those closest to me, I got back on the road. I hope Zayn does too - but he will have some hard choices to make.